YOUNG LADIES

i'ma tired of you womens always coming into my bar with your newfangled foppy guyfriends and ordering your fancy drinks y'all think haven't been drunk since 1892 because they don't make no gum syrup no more, but you think the bartender mixin' some sugar and water together is almost the same thing as real gum syrup.

MAN ALIVE YOU IS DUMB BECAUSE IT'S NOT!

you can't find no gum syrup no more. gum syrup is like a lovely lady in the right drink, and the right drink ain't right at all if there ain't no gum syrup.

just like there ain't no more lovely ladies no more, just a bunch of whores and harlots and ladies of the night. if you take my meaning.

lousy typerwriter. anyone tell me how to capitalize letters without hitting the capitalize lock?

anyway -- all you ladies think you are soooooo special with your pretty smiles and your pretty legs and your boobies.

i'll tell you what, i saw me some boobies back in the day and they weren't fulla plastic or no how. they was real natural boobies and they tasted deeeelicious and felt liker real boobies.

you ladies in my bar are all the same. you look the same. you smell the same. you flirt with the same sad boys who buy you the same drinks the same. you smoke the same with some sorta disaffected i-don't-give-no-damn, look-away standing way.

and you're that way until you grows up and become something other than girlchilds.

then the next group of girlchilds come in and the same thing, over and over.

i'm glad i'm gonna die sooner than later. no doubt about it. all this repeating's enough to drive a man batty gonzo.

in the meantime, do an old man a favor and stay outta his bar.